Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
27 entries this month
*yawns* blergh.........mornings........
04:54 Aug 27 2009
Times Read: 641
So it's 4.50 am. Yep. Why the hell am I up at such an un-godly hour?
Well, we be going to the sea-side for a couple of days! yaaaaaaay -_-
Quite why that means we need to start out at SIX IN THE FRICKIN morning, is beyond me.
And, as if dealing with a sleep-deprived me isn't bad enough, we now have to take a family friends son too. He's friends with my cousins, who are already there with the rest of my family.
Feh. Why...WHY did I say I found someone to babysit the cats?????? I shoulda LIED and THEN BEEN ABLE TO GET A NORMAL AMOUNT OF BLOODY SLEEP!!!!!!!!. 0.o
*ahem* You would do well to step away from the coffee pot and cigarettes. Mmmmm'kay?
17:32 Aug 26 2009
Times Read: 642
Getting ready and packed to head to the sea-side tomorrow to see my family. They've been staying there for a few days, and I'm joining them for the remaining time. :)
So, I have to get ready for:
Drunk Nanna and Auntie. They're hilarious on ONE glass of whiskey and orange.
Drunk Mum, mums sister, and sisters friend.
Hyper cousins (tween-agers)
Hiding from my grandpa every time I want to smoke.
And......................Wait, I should just stay at home. Heh. Not worth the trouble.
Oh, did I mention I have to be up at FIVE am tomorrow? Yeeeeeah. Fun Fun.
01:27 Aug 25 2009
Times Read: 650
Oh, how amazing is Angelus? Totally!
This man...........wowza. He is the best EVER. Amazing.
He has such a power, to inspire, to listen to you, talk to you.
Such words of wisdom, greatly appreciated. You don't even know how.
I've not been able to write for so long. Years. Simple. short stories have been beyond me.
But tonight? some words, encouragement, and I CAN WRITE!
It's like he's unleashed this literary floodgate inside me, all of the fast, rambling words, ideas, notions, need to be written down.
Thank-you, Angelus, Neil, for being my inspiration, my muse.
Let's hope we come up with something good. :)
19:41 Aug 24 2009
Times Read: 652
I guess I should really be cleaning up, but, meh. Mum's away for a week and the house is already looking like a bombsite.
What to do, what to do........
01:55 Aug 22 2009
Times Read: 657
Hmmm. Time for bed soon, I think. Nearly two am in England.
Although I DO need to watch the rest of Let Right One In. :) I love that film. :) I have it on dvd, the original Swedish, and thus, the best. I've already watched it more times than I can count. I guess it's just captured me in a way that few films do. :)
02:01 Aug 21 2009
Times Read: 664
I'm thinking about renting an apartment next week, for a few days. There's a complex in my city center that offers short terms lets, minimum one night. I was thinking about staying maybe three/four nights. It might do me good. You know, knowing how I'd feel living by myself, which is what I want to do. I mean, I'm twenty now. I gotta move out sometime. Especially with whats been going on at home, but I won't subject you to an Emo rant about it. ;)
Only trouble is, more permanent accomodation is WAY more than I can afford on my current salary, which is damn good for a person of my age.
Hmmmm. Anyone care to give advice?
15:05 Aug 20 2009
Times Read: 666
Let me sum up my home life for ya. Shit-Fan-Completely fucking hit it.
Bah. I need to fix EVERYTHING. -_-
23:44 Aug 19 2009
Times Read: 668
SHE'S BACK! SHE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D
17:58 Aug 19 2009
Times Read: 674
Another day, and no kitty. :(
Cat
00:17 Aug 19 2009
Times Read: 678
Megan is STILL missing. I really hoped she'd be back by now.
I've done everything: called our vet, the RSPCA, Animal Aid, checked with neighbors, called her name, rattled the food dish, walked around the neighborhood searching for her, registered her as missing online as well as with my vets.
No luck. I guess tomorrow I'll be making another round of calls, another walk, and some posters. I'll have to contact my local environment agency too- to see if they've found a cat of her description dead. :(
I just feel so helpless. Like I should be doing more to find her. I don't know what else to do. :(
15:17 Aug 18 2009
Times Read: 686
Megan's gone missing again. :( We haven't seen her since last night. Look at her:
I've already contacted the vet and the RSPCA, but they've not had a cat in like her. *sigh* She is microchipped, so they'll contact us if she is brought in.
I miss my Meggy-Boppy. :(
Pure Awesome
02:28 Aug 17 2009
Times Read: 688
Låt Den Rätte Komma in. The best film ever. Wow. Pure, amazing, awesomeness. I........words cannot describe this movie. Check it out! Let Right One The One In. Make sure you get the Swedish original. Such talented actors. Especially Eli. She is amazing!.
Your opinions on it please! :)
03:18 Aug 14 2009
Times Read: 699
Gonna be SO tired tomorrow..........but gotta watch the end of Legally Blonde. Damn my natural hair colour!!!!!!!
Yes. In England, we use a E and a U in English
Had to...........just had to........
01:35 Aug 13 2009
Times Read: 707
Wow!!!!!! Jared Padalecki is in House Of Wax!!!!!! *geeks out*
............Sam in Supernatural? the tv series? with the bitchin' 1967 black chevy impala????? They have five of those on the show! FIVE! CLASSIC CARS! one of which was wrecked beyond repair!
I............I need to get a life. Or stop watching SPN. Or............never gonna happen. I love my boys!!!! :)
GO SAM AND DEAN WINCHESTER! YE-AH!
Angelus
00:38 Aug 13 2009
Times Read: 709
I'm so lucky to have him as a friend. Angelus, you are THE most rockin', most awesome dude I know!
You're always there to listen and give advice, and I'm so grateful for that. I don't know what I'd do without you. :)
*raises glass* Here's to you!!!!!!
♥ Angelus!!!!!
Dreams
21:34 Aug 12 2009
Times Read: 715
I was just watching that film with Nicholas Cage in, where he plays the cop who wins the lottery. It got me thinking, what would I do if I won the lottery? What would I buy? So, I've decided to make a list here just for fun. :)
1. Lifetime VR Membership. Obviously. ;)
2. Buy a bigger house for me and my mum.
3. Quit my job. (I like it, don't get me wrong)
4. Go on holiday to Japan, Romania, Egypt, Paris and New Orleans.
5. Organize a family holiday for all my relatives in Spain.
6. Open up an animal shelter with my dad for abused or old horses and donkeys. It's something he's wanted to do forever. :)
7. Get Dad a house.
8. Buy a Husky puppy! and a wolf puppy I can pass off as a husky ;)
9. Get horses for my mum and myself. We both used to ride and I know she misses having her own horse.
10. Go to America and do a photoshoot with the wonderfully talented Morrigon. :)
11. Take driving lessons.
12. Buy a black 1967 Chevy Impala.
13. Take the online Archaeology course I want to do.
14. Spoil my baby cousin and soon-to-be-born cousin rotten!
15. Get dad a new car. A Volvo C30. He has no choice in the matter. ;)
16. New clothes. Seriously. I need some.
17. Buy every single pair of New Rock Boots. :)
18. Take my cousin Laura and baby cousin Lila to Disney Land. I've always wanted to go! and....I'm sure Lila likes cartoons lol.
19. Universal Studios is a must.
20. Donate money to the Special Care Baby Unit where I was born and lived for the first six months of my life.
21. Go crazy in Harrods.
22. Join the National Trust and English Heritage.
23. Buy and restore an old stately home to live in, and perhaps open to the public.
24. Swim with dolphins.
25. Go to Borneo and volunteer and donate to the Orangutan center there. I want to hold a baby one!
Hmm, I guess that's it for now. I'm sure I'll think of other things to add! lol.
12:53 Aug 12 2009
Times Read: 723
I want my #!$@ing hair falls dammit!!!!!
They're meant to be arriving today, the delivery option having been upgraded due to a postal strike last week. I've seen the post lady across the road, but she's not come to my close yet. I think. If they don't come, I will be SO pissed off. Particularly because I've forgone a nap for this. My medication makes me really sleepy, so I'm jazzed up on enough coffee to make a baby elephant hyper. Hmph.
Oh, and I have a random pain down my entire back that feels like someone is stabbing me with teeny tiny daggers every time I breathe too deeply. 0.o Maybe God is trying to tell me something, eh? lol.
Right. Back to stalking the letterbox. ;)
08:05 Aug 11 2009
Times Read: 726
Back at work, freaking out completely. The urge to run is overwhelming. :(
00:40 Aug 07 2009
Times Read: 734
I hope my hair falls arrive tomorrow, I really want them! I've been scaring the postman shitless for the past two days waiting for the post. And I'm sure he's heard my yells of *SONOVABITCH!* after I find out there's nothing for me.
Ian is coming over, and he's going to take me to this HUGE goth shop in Nottingham. BAD idea. He has only briefly seen me shopping. Tomorrow the goth equivalent of sqeeing over pink things and shoes shall be released. Make that jeans with bondage straps, corsets and platform shoes. Heh. I almost feel sorry for him.
01:35 Aug 06 2009
Times Read: 736
*DOO-OOH, DOO-OOH, DOO-OOH, DOO-OOH!!!* TURN YOUR FUCKING CAR ALARM OFF AND MAKE THE DOG STOP BARKING! IT'S LATE AND I'M TRYING TO TALK ON VR!!!!!
20:38 Aug 05 2009
Times Read: 738
I think I'm going to take a walk up to the shops. It's nearly nine pm, still bright, cool evening air. :) Nice.
00:08 Aug 05 2009
Times Read: 743
*Yawn* I'd better get off here now. I should go to sleep. It's past midnight here, and I don't want to be up till stupid o'clock again. Besides, my hair falls might be arriving tomorrow and I wanna be up and ready to sign for them. :)
21:26 Aug 03 2009
Times Read: 760
Is paypal acting up for anyone else, or is it just me?
WORK DAMNIT! I GOTTA BUY CRAP! -_-
Me
16:02 Aug 03 2009
Times Read: 768
Talking about an illness is never easy. Especially when the illness in questions has no physical symptoms, only mental ones.
In a way it's easier to talk about it on here, than it is to speak to my own family. They know me. They're around me twenty-four seven. And when you're that close to someone, telling them the simplest thing can be quite hard.
But on here, you can say anything. You don't really know me. Only what I've chosen to tell you through my profile and journal. Which is a pretty accurate representation of me, but only small parts, condensed into paragraphs. We are separated my monitors and wires, oceans apart. You can make your conclusions without all the years of personal knowledge about me and my life.
About four years ago (I think. It was high school) I was bullied badly. Just for being different. (But aren't we all?) It escalated from name-calling and nasty comments to people following me on my way home, throwing things at me on the school bus. (A lit cigarette. Chewing-gum. My hair got burned, and I had to have a whoel different hair-style to get rid of the gum).
In the end, I couldn't take it anymore, and I stopped going to school. I would have huge panic attacks if I even thought about it. I was fifteen years old. I missed two years of education.
Over time, and with counselling and brilliant social workers, I managed to get back to school, and the panic attacks stopped. Everything was alright.
Fast forward to now. About one month ago, it came back. Out of no-where. I had a full blown panic attack at work. And I kept on having them. The worst one I had saw me admitted to A&E.
Having gone to the doctors, I was diagnosed with Anxiety and borderline depression. I was off work, on medication. Things had started to mend, but now they're getting worse again.
Having an illness like this truly makes you feel as though you're fighting your own personal war with your mind and emotions. You cannot let the win, but they keep destroying the defences you put up.
But you could look at me and not know anything is wrong at all. You could say I am faking it. You can't see anything wrong with me, so how can I be ill?
Have you ever felt like not getting up? Like staying in bed all day, that it's not worth doing anything? That you feel useless? Alone? Any little thing you do will fail, so why bother? That's depression.
Or have you been in a situation, and felt light-headed? Dizzy? Sick? Faint? Palm-sweating, mind swirling, heart racing, you have to get out of this room NOW or you will die? That's a panic attack.
That is what is happening to me, and millions like me on a daily basis. That is what we have to fight with. And sometimes, it's harder to fight whats in your own mind.
I didn't write this for sympathy, or attention. I don't want that. I just want people to know about these things. If they're experiencing it themselves, you're not alone. God knows it can feel like that, but you're not. I also wanted people to understand. I've tried explaining it so many times, only to be ridiculed or talked down to.
So, VR. What do you think? Please feel free to leave comments here, or send me a message. Thanks :)
15:18 Aug 03 2009
Times Read: 769
Ugh. Making myself get up to do stuff is never fun lol. *sigh*
Right. Get off ya ass, go to the shops, come back and attempt to write something that isn't drivel, ok? Good.
I'm such a hard-ass to myself. :(
And I was going to write a longer journal entry about something personal to me. Not for attention, or sympathy or anything like that. I just wanted other people in my situation to know they're not alone, and for others to learn about it. I think I'l do that when I get back.
03:29 Aug 02 2009
Times Read: 770
Ahhhhhhhh, Johnny Cash, sing to me..........."because you're mine, I walked the line......* :D True genius.
02:22 Aug 01 2009
Times Read: 667
Ian is joining VR. He has no choice. I'm itching to make another profile. :) and to have my boyfriend on here ofcourse......obviously....,.
COMMENTS
-
placidchaos
18:50 Aug 27 2009
Pfft. Who needs sleep? Sleep is over-rated! heh heh heh